"Lost" and found.

I've actually been itching to write a blog post since last night. I just...didn't do it? I don't know. I'm weird like that. I had the time and everything, too. I guess I kept putting it off. Even though I wanted to do it? Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me either.

Anyway. So I've complained about my parents on here before, right? Yes, yes I have. If you've been fortunate enough to skip those posts then for God's sake, please don't scroll down. Don't worry, this isn't going to be one of those posts. I actually want to defend my mother and father. I had a good sit down, scream and yell at each other, then cry and sob, then actually talk about things that matter kind of sessions tonight. And, I just realized that my parents are not bad people? I mean, they're not. I make them out to be the bad guys. But to them, I'm the bad guy. It's when we sit down and talk like this that we actually realize that NOBODY is the bad guy, we all have faults and we all need to work on them. I mean, my mom STILL wants me to be a doctor but I don't view her as crazy dictator lady anymore. No, she's just this poor woman who has this crazy dream for her daughter. It's not her fault. And it's not my dad's fault for wanting me to be PERFECT. They're just two people who want the BEST for their daughter. I just wish they sometimes stepped into my shoes a little and didn't forget what it's like to actually BE a son/daughter. Which is why I think the YA genre in books is so important for EVERYONE to read. Not just teenagers. It really helps everyone go back to a time when they were young and realize that what their sons/daughters are going through is more than just a small little problem. Being young is not easy, contrary to popular opinion.

Speaking of books, I'm STILL reading Carpe Diem by Autumn Cornwell. I'm almost done with that so expect a review of that soon.

I have to go to work tomorrow morning. I'm actually looking forward to it. I haven't been to work in a week because they cut my hours due to the fact that I hadn't gotten my school schedule yet so they didn't know when to schedule me. I miss it. It's pretty pathetic, I know, but I really do like everyone I work with and the job, itself, is easy enough. Sometimes it can get boring and repetitive but I guess I'm one of those people that really don't mind boring and repetitive things. As long as I know what I'm doing.

I also have school on Wednesday. Surprisingly enough, I'm not too bummed about this. I'm actually, -gasp-shall-I-say-it?-, EXCITED? Yes, I am completely changing my outlook on life, aren't I? That's what I get for being productive. It's a good feeling, let me tell you, but there's this tiny part of me that keeps saying that I've betrayed my inner fourteen-year-old self. Not to mention the YEARS I put into loathing school go all down the drain. But, all is not lost, there's still plenty of time for the school-loathing to return. Which I'm sure it will once I actually get assignments to do. Ah, I can hardly wait. My inner fourteen-year-old self needn't worry.

I finished Lost last week (I think?)!! The final season was BLOWING ME AWAY...and then I got to the last five minutes. I thought...that's it?! THAT'S IT?!!!! NOOOOOOOO! But then, I watched it again and I cried like a baby and accepted it and now I've moved on with my life but I will always internally mourn my loss. Oh, Lost, please come back? I need you.

I need a new TV fix? Any suggestions? Keep in mind that I like Lost, Desperate Housewives, Gilmore Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Supernatural. Maybe a sci-fi, horror, dramedy, with soap opera elements set in a high school? Anyone? Nothing? Yeah, I didn't think so. What's that...BUFFY? *runs and rents all buffy seasons on DVD* Well, now I'm ALL set for the new semester.

Review: Breathless by Jessica Warman

Prior to reading this book, let me just say that I did not know anything about it. I hadn't heard about it from any of the many book blogs I frequent or the book vloggers that I watch. I came upon it while scanning the YA section of my local library. The cover was interesting and the synopsis seemed promising so I picked it up. And let me say, I was definitely glad that I did.

The story is about a girl named Katie Kitrell who, in the beginning, is trying to cope with a mentally unstable/ill brother and her hard-to-get-along-with parents. The family is pretty dysfunctional to begin with. But not unbelievably so. I think it's so easy to relate to Katie's situation because I don't believe any family is without its problems and its always refreshing to see YA books take this route of depicting highly dysfunctional families rather than perfect households. Anyway, her brother is a very unhappy person and he attempts to kill himself. This sends Katie's world into a whirlwind. Her parents decide that it would be best if she lived as far away from her tiny hometown and her brother as possible. So they send her to boarding school where Katie is finally able to fit in and have real friends and a really good chance of going to good colleges. But, of course, the presence of her brother and her home situation is always at the back of Katie's mind. So, she deals with it by lying to everyone and immersing herself in her swimming--the one thing she's really good at.

One thing about this book that really impressed me was the fact that I had no idea where it was going to go. I mean, I had read the inside flap and usually those pretty much give away the direction of the story. However, I was surprised to find that I had no idea where the plot would take me or how a character would act. This book is definitely not predictable.

Speaking of characters, there are a whole cast of characters in this book that are wonderfully drawn. Katie is a very relatable and very real protagonist. Her voice really strikes a chord with me and I think it'll do the same with a lot of other people, too. She's just easy to sympathize with. However, she's not perfect. In fact, every character in the book is flawed. Even her seemingly "perfect" boyfriend. But they're flawed in a way that make them interesting, rather than annoying.

The best thing about this book, though, would have to be the writing. Even though this is Jessica Warman's debut novel, she establishes a very clear yet lyrical style. This is the kind of book where it's so easy to get overly dramatic and fill it with a bunch of flowery prose but Warman definitely keeps her writing realistic and sprinkles it with some really wonderful lines here and there that really get to you. Her writing also keeps you so absorbed in the book. I stayed up late finishing this one and once it was over I was definitely thinking about all of the characters for hours in bed. This is the kind of book that I think a lot of teens (and older people too) will really like. I'm just excited to see what this new author comes up with next. Definitely check this one out if it sounds interesting to you.

I give it a: 4/5 stars

I notice patterns in the paint.

Have you ever had that thing where you stay up all night just...thinking? About random stuff? Yeah. That, that right there, is my whole life.

So one thing you should know is that my brain revolves around a central theme. In fact, I think most of our brains have some sort of central idea that we base a lot of our interests, likes, dislikes, and decisions on. Some of us are aware of that central theme and others don't give it too much thought. But I believe we all have it.

MINE is the idea of good vs. evil. I am obsessed with this notion that the world contains things we perceive as good and others as bad. And a lot of those perceptions are not based on facts or anything else, really, except we just KNOW that certain things are good and others are bad. For example, killing people is bad, right? Most people believe that. I think I can say that it's pretty much a universal opinion. But, like, where did that come from? Is it just experience as human beings and history that lead us to these morals that we hold in our lives? Religion? Some old guy telling us what to do? I don't know. I just know that good exists. And evil exists. Whether or not they're conjured up by some sort of higher power or by society, it's there.

But that's not what I'm concerned with. What really interests me is the fact that most of us know things that are BAD and that we shouldn't do. And we know what's good and what we should do. And yet...we don't always do these things that we should and fall into things that we know are essentially considered BAD. Gossiping, making fun of others, cheating, lying, abuse of all kinds. We know these things are harmful. Yet we still do them. Why? If we KNOW that they're not good things then why? Is it just some internal mechanism in us that says...good doesn't exist, these rules don't apply RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE. Does it trick you into thinking that these things aren't actually evil? I think it does. Sometimes we lose track of all these things that we do because we're so caught up in, well, living. We don't even notice. But, if you're a real human being, after you do these things, after you turn off your lights and lie awake all night thinking about that girl you just gossipped about, there should be a sickening feeling in your stomach. And hopefully, remembering that sickening feeling should help you from gossipping about other people.

But sometimes it doesn't work like that. Sometimes we lie awake one night. We lie awake another night. Until it becomes a habit and that sickening feeling never comes back. Then you need to worry, my friend. Because I think that your good internal mechanism that is essential to your humanity is broken and you might have to see a professional to get it fixed. And it might be REALLY hard to find a professional because you might have no idea who he is.

Review: Dramarama by E. Lockhart

Okay. I just finished this book about two minutes ago so I figured I should write this review while my memory is still fresh. The first thing I should say was that my first impression after finishing this book was that I liked it. I didn't love it or anything, but I did end up enjoying it. Mildly.

I will say this, though: E. Lockhart is a great writer. She knows how to craft words and have them stick in your head. She's also a smart writer. She doesn't write meaningless things, she knows how to get a point across and her themes to really pop out at you. However, I didn't really like her storytelling in this particular book. I felt like that aspect of her writing left something to be desired.

The book is basically about Sadye (a straight, sarcastic, funny, determined, theater-obsessed girl) and her friend Demi (a gay, funny, determined, talented theater-obsessed boy) and their experiences at a well-known drama camp. Now, I'm not a theater/musical junkie. So, half of the references in the book were lost on me. But, I don't think it affected my overall appreciation of the novel. Maybe it did? Who knows. Anyway, this book starts off with Demi and Sadye making their way to the camp and you know right off the bat that one of them is going to leave disappointed.

For the first half of the book, I spent my time thinking, "God, Sadye is so annoying and such a bitch." Because, I couldn't really relate to her obnoxiousness and her always voicing whatever was on her mind. But, as the story progressed, I started to respect this quality of hers and really started rooting for her. But then my anger switched to the other characters of the book because they weren't getting Sadye like I was finally getting her. I think that tainted my experience of reading this book a bit because I happened to be angry at someone during every point of this book.

I also felt like some characters weren't fleshed out enough. For example, in the beginning we were introduced to Sadye's roommates, Iz and Candie. We're given details about their lives and personalities. But then they just disappear. We really don't get to see them interact with Sadye again. I mean, we do see them in the background; they don't disappear completely, but I wanted them to pop up more since we did get so much background on them in the beginning.

Also, Theo and Sadye's "romance" didn't really hit me as authentic either. It just felt too forced and I didn't really get the feel that they liked each other. 

But, all in all, even with its faults, this was a pretty good book. It was fast and fun and light but it also sent out a message very rarely seen in young adult books: just because you love something, doesn't mean it'll come easily to you. It is a book about self-discovery and realization and acceptance of your own talents. And I really loved that message and I loved the way that it was delivered. So, my advice is that if you want a book based around a theme and an idea and you happen to love musicals and theater then go read this book. But, if you want something with a compelling storyline and fleshed out characters, you might wanna skip it. 

I give it a: 3/5 stars.

I'm free!

Tonight was the last night of my imprisonment. No, really. I have been freed from the tortures of summer classes. Never again am I going to partake in such mind-numbing activities such as that.

Okay, okay. I'm exaggerating. It wasn't so bad. And I might take summer classes again depending on the circumstances. I'm actually pretty glad I did it; I learned a lot more from this class than I would have if I had taken it during the school year. I mean, I actually paid attention in class and knew what the answers on the quizzes were without even studying for them. I also enjoyed doing a lot of the discussions and papers and writeups. Mostly because I felt I genuinely wanted to know more. Maybe summer classes aren't a bad thing at all. Maybe the beauty of summer can extend itself into the school setting where I'll WANT to go out and drive through the sunshine-dripped roads and walk to class with the birds chirping and butterflies flying about....or not. But, no, seriously, my class went pretty well. That's all I'm trying to say.

So, now I guess I have about twelve days to chill out and just do...whatever I want. Like, reading?! You bet. I did get some good books from the library this past weekend. One is called Dramarama by E. Lockhart. It's about these two friends that go to summer drama camp and get up to some shenanigans. The other one is called House of Dark Shadows which is basically about a creepy old house. I'll let you know how those books turn out.

Anyway. Something weird happened to me the other night. I was walking to my car after my class ended and it was pretty dark and deserted on campus. But, from a distance I could see that there was this lone deer on the grass very near to where my car was parked. Now, I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I am deathly afraid of all animals big and small. The smaller they are, the worse my fear gets, actually. But deer are still pretty scary along with anything that breathes and...moves. I mean, it took me twenty years to get used to being around human beings. Anyway, the deer looks up when it sees me approaching and then it runs to a farther part of the parking lot where I guess his other deer friend is standing and they both just watch me briskly walk past them to my car. I suppose this just made me feel...secure and happy? in a way? I just felt so...reassured that these animals weren't going to hurt me. They were actually just as terrified of me as I was of them and that made me feel this weird kinship and compassion for them. Poor, innocent deer. I hope they stay safe and away from the roads...

Man, this blog is exciting. So far I've talked to you about the wonders of summer courses and innocent deer. Hot stuff, I tell ya. You won't get material like this anywhere else.

On a different note, my mom is finally coming home from her 2 month long vacay on Tuesday. I am kind of...nervous about it. I hate meeting people when they've been away. I feel like they become all new people and I have to re-introduce myself to them and that just feels awkward because they already know me and I already know them. I don't know. I feel like I'm not making sense. I have no idea what to write about anymore so I guess I'll just leave you with a funny anecdote...

At work this past week, we were unloading a bunch of new shipments and there are these apparently wildly popular toys that are called "Zhu Zhu" pets? Basically, they're cartoon hamsters that kids like playing with and having lunch boxes of? I don't know, the toy world comes up with weird things: like rubber bands in the shape of animals that you wear around your wrist. I mean, really? What the hell is that about? Anyway, getting back to the hamsters, there was this one lunch box with the zhu zhu pets on them and my coworker holds it up and says, "Sara, what's wrong with this picture?" And I stare at it for about ten seconds silently and then we all just start cracking up...because the picture on the lunch box was upside down. I guess someone fell asleep at work on the assembly line in Japan!

Yes, we are very easily amused at my job. Very easily.

I'm entering a contest...

Link: CLICK HERE

It's a bunch of fabulous books and I want to win, win, win. Granted, I have horrible luck in these things but still. Maybe there's a teeny tiny chance? Whatever. If this looks cool to you, then go and enter! And follow her blog because she's an AWESOME reviewer/blogger/writer. I think there are about 24 books to choose from. I'm salivating at the mouth just thinking about it.

New Books and the P word...

Notice how my blogging activity increases as soon as I have papers to write, presentations to do, quizzes to study for. Well, I guess that's what college is all about, right? I really wouldn't know actually. I feel like I'm floating through college. Like, I'm not really IMMERSED in it but just floating above it and observing it from higher ground. I don't particularly want to come down from here, either. I like my bubble.

I have like a ten dollar fine at my library. It's so stupid because I was just a DAY late with the dvds but since there were five of them...I have to pay ten bucks. It doesn't seem like much but when you have a limited supply of money in your hands, ten bucks is a hell of a lot. Especially for things like late overdue library books. I mean, really? How lame could I get? Why can't I be a normal young person and pay fines for speeding or something?

I've been having a pretty horrible week. Yesterday, I was especially sad and down so I decided to treat myself for no reason...just to make myself feel better. So, I got in the car and drove to...you guessed it: Borders. God, I love that place. And I bought myself about four new books. It was great. But, unfortunately, I won't be able to read them any time soon. First of all, I have a bunch of crap to deal with before I can do any recreational reading. And, second of all, I have many, many OTHER books that I bought and have been neglecting to read. So, I must read those before I can read my shiny, new books.

The books I got are:

Stealing Heaven by Elizabeth Scott: I believe it's about an eighteen year old girl who has been a thief her whole life along with her mother. But, I think she's had enough of the criminal life and wants to break free from the clutches of her mother's occupation. It sounds completely different from any other Elizabeth Scott book I've read. Which is not unusual because almost every single one of her books is different and unique. Just one of the things that makes her a great writer.

The Iron King by Julie Kagawa: Okay. I don't usually like "faery" books. It just doesn't appeal to me very much. But this book came highly recommended and my library didn't have it and the cover was pretty so I thought, what the hell. It's basically about this girl whose father went missing when she was six (don't know why this is relevant but it's mentioned in the back of the book so it must be important) and she grows up and then her brother is kidnapped or something. And she has to save him but she lands herself in the midst of faeries in the process. Oh, and she gets the hots for the sexy/cold faery prince. Of course. It just sounds like one of those books. But, it's pretty and I'm willing to give it a chance.

The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson: This book sounds fairly Sarah Dessenesque. It's about a girl who is dealing with the death of her older sister. I suppose it's just about grief and living in the shadow of an older sibling your whole life and then dealing with them not being there anymore. It's more interesting than that though. Apparently the girl starts bonding with her dead sister's boyfriend who shares her sadness and understands her sorrow. But, she also starts having a thing for the new kid in school who just makes her incredibly happy and allows her to forget about her grief. So, I guess it's some kind of crazy, complicated love triangle. Again, this book came highly recommended so I can't wait to read it.

Sisters Red by Jackson Pearce: This is probably the most interesting book of the bunch. It's basically a modern retelling of the classic "Little Red Riding Hood" except with a crazy new angle. I guess it's about two sisters who hunt the wolves that are trying to kill them. I don't really know much more than that...the synopsis of the book was pretty cryptic. But, it says that one of the sisters falls in love with the hot woodsman that lives next door. Really curious to see how it'll all play out.

...And that's it. Like I said before, if I have a limited supply of money, why am I spending so much on new books? Because I am an idiot. That's why.

I guess I have to go work on my school stuff now. Or maybe I can postpone it to later? Like, I can probably start it at around 5...that won't be too bad, right? Yeah, I think I'll start it at 5.