What's this? I'm writing another blog post within a 24 hour time period? Why, yes, I believe I am. Also, I lied to you. I didn't have work today. Yeah, my 3 AM self is so much more stupid than my 3 PM self. But. That's to be expected, isn't it?
Anyway I just wanted to talk about some things. Some things like other people. Now, I'm a self-proclaimed loner, okay? Give me the option of staying at home alone, curled up with a good book and good food, instead of out and "partying" and "mingling" with aforementioned other people and I will gladly take it. Trust me. I'm definitely not big on the concept of sharing my time with "friends" (I put quotations around this word because I'm using the term loosely).
However. And I know this is a big jump. But, sometimes, the company of these others can be quite soothing. Sometimes, one just needs an ear to talk into, some eyes to look into, some souls to mingle with. It just lightens the load a little. It can be good for you. Bring you back to earth a little. So that you can realize that you're not the ONLY person who inhabits this tiny planet of ours. And that fact, when given at the right time, can be incredibly soothing.
Of course, there are many, many exceptions to what I just said. For example, some people, try as they might, can never be soothing and good for the soul. Talking to these people might just ruin your entire day. Like, my mother. And I know that's harsh. I shouldn't talk about my mother like that. She's the one who raised me. Fed me, clothed me, "guided" me (whatever that means). But, I'm sorry. She just doesn't know how to encourage someone. Making someone feel better is just not in her capabilities. I'm not bashing the woman (I love her very much) but I'm simply stating a fact. She only knows how to PUSH and PUSH and PUSH until her plans for you are carried out and seen through.
She's wanted me to be a doctor, right? I mean, she's REALLY wanted it. It's her DREAM. The biggest dream I think she's ever really gone after. Now, I believe in respecting your parents, and loving them, and obeying their wishes...but upto a certain extent. I don't think that me being a doctor is something that SHE has any right to go after. It's a dream that doesn't belong to her. But she doesn't understand that. She thinks that it's her responsibility as a parent to PUSH that dream on me. To tell me what to do. Therefore, whenever I talk to her she smashes me into pieces instead of encouraging.
Now, this summer, my mother is vacationing miles away from me. And I've never been so clear about what I want to do in life. That sounds horrible but it's completely true that, without her in the picture, I'm not held back by this stress to please her, to go after HER dream. However, she does call and talk to me from time to time, and while I like these phone calls, today she brought back this old topic of "You're throwing your life away" that got me in a foul mood for the rest of the day. And resulted in me curling up into a ball on my bed and not wanting to deal with anything.
So, I think the only temporary remedy to this situation is to find some other other people and take a load off from this feeling of suffocation. Any takers?
No comments:
Post a Comment