Sad Thoughts

I have so many things to do and think about and stress over this week...and possibly next week. My summer class is quickly wrapping up which means the end-of-class squeeze where you try and get your assignments in before the due dates and stressing over your grade. But, on top of that, I have to worry about work and my parents and all that. I hate to sound whiny and complainy but I'm just really...stressed.

Let me try talking about something less depressing. Oh, while I was waiting for an appointment with my advisor the other day, I was scanning the magazines on the table in front of me. There was this one that included a great article on Emily Dickinson and poems in general. And it brought up a great point about words and creative ways to use them. I mean, we don't read books simply to know what happened...we do it to connect to something. Or to go beyond the words? Or to float amongst the words? Whatever it is, I just completely lost the point of this anecdote. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Screw it.

I guess I could try talking about friendship. I've been thinking about it a lot. I sometimes feel like I care more about people than they do about me. It's a sad feeling because you constantly feel lonely even when you're with someone. Like there's a barrier that prevents me from connecting to someone. I don't know. I guess I could try caring less.

What else do I want to say? Life is like a circle. You feel like you're moving forward and getting somewhere but when you walk through what you think is a "new" path, you realize that it's led you back to where you started. Circles are annoying.

The frog stopped coming back to our porch. I haven't seen it in a couple of days. I actually kind of miss it. Okay. No, not really. It was disgusting. I hate small animals. I'm sure I've mentioned that.

Happy things now. No more sad things. Let's see...what's happy? Oh! I was driving home last night and I switched the radio on because it's depressing driving alone at night (I'm getting to the happy part) but then this song came on. It's called "I'm Awesome" by Spose? Or something? And I was just listening to it and I couldn't stop laughing. Because that song perfectly describes about ninety percent of our population. I mean, we like to think that we're special and talented and not completely...average. But, we kid ourselves. We're ALL average. Even famous people. I truly believe celebrities get famous through luck and looks and just working hard. But, working hard doesn't make you extraordinary. In fact, I don't believe in extraordinary people. I believe in extraordinary accomplishments and creations. But people? Are just people.  I mean, behind all our differences and individuality is an ordinary person with insecurities, emotions, hormones that go out of control sometimes. We're all very much the same.

Wow...I'm not having any success talking about happy things tonight. I'll try again later.